Anniversary

Matthew pulled away from the kiss, and he smiled at Kristine. He thanked her for dropping him off and walked into the building feeling guilty as she drove away. He held a special place in his heart for Rose’s, an Italian restaurant sitting atop a skyscraper downtown. He especially loved the name. He greeted his server Thomas, who he had become acquainted with two years ago on the date when he and Rose had celebrated their twenty-third anniversary. Thomas walked him to his table, and when Matthew rounded the corner he came to a halt as he saw Rose sitting elegantly, in a green satin dress looking out the window into the skyline, the golden hour light illuminating her face and turning her long, dark brown hair a deep shade of red. 

Matthew sat down by the window across from her and smiled. He had been waiting for this moment for the past three hundred and sixty-five days. “Hey you,” he said. 

“I’ve missed you. It’s so nice to see you again,” Rose said.  

Rose’s dark brown eyes lit up in the sun, and Matthew wished he could take a picture of her. “Oh I think I’ve missed you more.”

—

Matthew had only cried once, in the elevator, at this point. The sun started to disappear behind the skyscrapers and the golden light faded away, leaving the chandeliers casting spells of warm yellow and orange on their glasses of wine.  

“How has work been?” Rose asked. 

“It’s been great, I got a promotion. Vice President of Sales,” Matthew said, making air quotes with his fingers. “Truthfully everything has been going well recently. I’ve made friends with some of the senior staff too. We go play pickleball down on Fifth on Wednesdays, they’re good guys.” 

“That’s so nice, I’m happy for you darling,” Rose said with a smile.  

Thomas walked up to the table, “Are you ready to order?” he asked.  

“Yes thank you, I’ll have the alfredo, and she’ll have the gnocchi,” Matthew said, nodding to Rose.  

“Great choices, I’ll get that in right away,” Thomas said and walked to the back of the restaurant.  

—

Matthew cried again after their entrees arrived. He had a list of what he wanted to talk to Rose about tonight, he struggled to choose where he wanted the conversation to go before it ended, and Kristine would pick him back up. He decided he wanted to reminisce.  

“Do you remember when we went to the park after our first date?” He asked. 

“Oh, how could I forget? You pushed me into a pond! You were a total stranger, and I thought you were trying to kill me!” Rose said.  

“Okay that is not how it happened. You fell in all on your own!”

“Oh and how do you remember it?”

“After we finished eating lunch we decided to take a walk over to Tenney Park. We found that stone bridge and I jumped up to sit on the edge. I think I was trying to look cool and dangerous in front of you or something,” Matthew said. 

“Yeah, and that totally worked.” Rose rolled her eyes. 

“I helped you up on the edge and we sat with our legs dangling above the school of koi. You said that one of them looked like your childhood calico cat, what was her name? Freckles! And we named the fish Freckles and watched it swim around while making up details about its social life and what it wanted to be when it grew up. We even picked its fish love and the scandal it caused when her first fish boyfriend cheated on her with that total slut turtle.” 

Rose grinned at Matthew. “That turtle had been jealous ever since Freckles stole her spot on the debate team!” She shook her head in disgust, that smile still there.  

“Earned that spot. Freckles worked very hard to get there. Anyways, as we were talking about which college she was going to choose it started to rain. You were so worried about the book I gave you to read getting wet that you whipped around too fast to grab it and slipped off the edge. I tried to grab you! I did! But you fell in the pond and the fish scattered in all directions,” Matthew said. 

“I never understood how I would have slipped like that. You pushed me, end of story.”

“End of story?” Matthew asked. He had suddenly become very aware of the couples, families, friends, sitting at tables around him, listening to him talk and shooting concerned glances his way.  

“Hey. I like this one. Keep telling it, please.” Rose said, ignoring the looks they were getting.  

“Okay, so after you fell in on your own accord, let’s not forget that I jumped in after you. I got my new dress shirt that I bought just for our date totally ruined by that mud,” Matthew said. 

“Cry me a river. Who told you to play lifeguard?”

“Well I couldn’t let you drown down there, I had just met the love of my life. We swam to shore and you were shivering. I gave you my coat and hid the book that you sacrificed yourself to protect in the inside pocket. I remember this next part very clearly. You asked why I jumped in after you. I told you-” 

 “You couldn’t just sit there and watch me die,” Rose said. Looking down at her food, untouched.  

“Right.” Matthew said. Things got quiet then, and Thomas walked up to the table asking if he was ready for the check. Matthew nodded, finishing off his glass of wine, then Rose’s. “I’ve missed you terribly.”

“I’ve missed you more. But you told me how well you’re doing at work. And you’ve got a nice group of friends now,” Rose said, attempting a smile. “And you’ve got Kristine.”  

Matthew felt guilty then, more than he’d felt after he and Kristine had sex for the first time. At least he didn’t have to look right at Rose then.  

“She’s really good for you. I’m so proud of how you’ve grown Matt,” Rose said.

“I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to get in the car and drive home with her. I don’t want to wake up next to her and see her brown hair and have my heart jump out of my chest – just for a second – before she turns around and I remember that it’s not you. Every morning.”  

The restaurant was silent in that moment. The older couple sitting at the table to the right of Matthew had their heads down as they fell victim to Matthew’s words. The white light of the moon in the window fought with the bright blue sign of a billboard atop another building to take claim to lighting the tears that fell Rose’s face.  

“She loves you. And as much as you don’t want to admit it to me, you love her. I know you do. Our time was special to us and I will never, ever forget it Matt,” Rose said, as she smiled at Matt. If Rose had a superpower, it would be the ability to smile at times like this.  

Matt mustered up everything he had inside of him to put on a smile too. “I love you rose. I can’t wait to see you again.” 

“I’ll be dreaming of it,” Rose said. She got up then, holding Matthew’s gaze. Her brown eyes black in the dim light. She blew him a kiss, and started to round the corner on the way to the elevator.  

Matthew hated the way she left. He wanted to get up and chase her around the corner. Hold her so tightly that she’d do that little joking “Help!” yell she used to. But he knew it was useless. Instead, he caught her kiss, and held it close to his heart. 

Matthew cried once more in the elevator. 

—

Thomas brought dessert to the older couple that was sitting next to Matthew, after he had left and had given him a tip so generous he felt guilty accepting. Rose’s gnocchi still sat on the table. Thomas reached for it the woman asked him if that guy was crazy. She explained how he had been talking to himself all night, but there was a plate of food and glasses of wine as if someone was there with him. 

Thomas took a second to look at the full dish of gnocchi and then up to meet the woman’s gaze. “His name is Matthew. His wife died of Covid a year and a half ago. He came in last year and explained this to me. He was insistent that I still put out a plate of food in her place and brought out wine. I tried to be as understanding as possible, I did as he asked and even gave him the meal for free. I think it’s their anniversary today. He comes to talk to her, or pretend that she’s sitting with him for a while. I feel awful every time he comes in, he gets so sad. I’m sorry if he disrupted your meal tonight, we can put add discount your bill,” Thomas said.

The older couple refused, said it was okay, they still had a nice night. They left a generous tip for Thomas as well. 

They cried once in the elevator. When the doors opened, they stood, holding each other. The elevator went up and came back down twice before they broke their embrace and walked to their car.